Just me and Oprah...

Apparently Oprah has recently come out and told the world that her thyroid gland is ruining her life. Since I don't usually watch (unless you count the clips of screaming women they run on The Soup) I don't know what her deal is, but I feel somehow emboldened by her courage and want to confess to the world: I too have been held hostage by this evil dictator of a gland. Seriously. Who knew such a little buttface of a gland could wreak such havoc? Well, besides sweet Dr. Persons, and his Holy Spirit "hunch."

Though I wasn't having any weird symptoms originally, he threw in a bonus thyroid panel in labwork that was run a few days before everything else went haywire and I had a somewhat dramatic induction and early delivery of Sarah Beth. The results were majorly wonky, but other things were wonkier at that point and the thyroid took a back seat for several months. The watch-and-see-if-it-goes-away-on-its-own (it didn't) approach lasted through the summer, then Dr. Persons finally washed his hands of me and sent me to an endocrinologist to get straightened out. Two weeks before we moved I was able to get into an endocrinologist who told me that my thyroid had become overactive (when I asked why/how all I got was a shoulder shrug...apparently it just "happens sometimes.") and the most effective course of treatment was to "shut it up" using radioactive Iodine treatment. Pretty much all that entailed was swalling a carefully calculated dose of a medicine that would get me tackled by airport security if I traveled too soon afterward, which would basically kill off (permanently) a portion of my thyroid gland. The most complicated part was that I was supposed to keep out of "close contact" with others for about a week...which is tough to explain to an 8-month-old who just wants to be held. The upside is that it's a one-time, usually foolproof way to turn off the hyperactivity. The downside is that they almost always kill off a little too much which eventually make you hypo-thyroid (underactive this time) meaning you get to take meds to bring you back to normal every day for the rest of your life. Awesome.

OK. So treated with Iodine in August. I was told it usually takes a few months to work, so as long as I wasn't having any major symptoms, I should just have labwork done in 2 months after we'd moved to Ohio to check and see how far the levels had fallen, and at that point they'd decide whether or not to put me on the drugs. Labwork was run in October and the result was that yes, my levels were falling (and rising--there are several different hormones they look at and some rise and some fall and I can't remember which is which) so we knew the treatment did its job, but they liked to have at least 2 data points to compare before they start dosage of the synthetic thyroid drug--I had to have it rechecked in a few months and if it was pretty close to what it was in October then we'd know it was pretty much done shrinking, whereas if the 2nd blood draw showed a significant difference one way or the other we'd need to keep watching-and-seeing before we could determine a correct dose because things were still working themselves out. That was the longest sentence in America. Sorry, ya'll. It's late and that's just how I type. :)

November 2008: The Funk arrives. All of a sudden, here come the symptoms of hypothyroidism that I had blessedly somehow avoided up to this point. For the last 2 months, The Funk has taken over my life and made some interesting changes to include:

--fatigue. Now, up until this point I never answered the "fatigue?" question with a yes because I figured that all new moms were just constantly tired and that my particular tiredness could mostly be attributed to the stress of moving coupled with staying up too late playing on the computer. I have now reached the point where I know the difference between normal, partially self-imposed tiredness and chemical, can't-physically-make-it-through-the-day-without-a-nap fatigue.

--muscle weakness. This was also a bit of a shocker for me because it's advent coincided with the purchase of a set of "The Firm" workout dvds which I actually enjoyed doing. :) My favorite was the strength one because I was always sore afterward, but it was the good sore where you know you worked hard. However, even on days when I didn't do the workouts my muscles would still feel tired. I knew the DVDs were working, though, because after a few weeks, they got easier to do (I was getting stronger). We traveled for Thanksgiving and I didn't work out for over a week. During that week I started noticing that even though I hadn't used my muscles in the same way, they were still really tired--like I had to take a break and let my arm dangle halfway through brushing my teeth because my shoulder couldn't hold my arm up and sustain the pressure needed to adequately press the toothbrush onto my teeth to scrub. OK, so this wasn't "wow, that workout was so awesome that I can't raise my arms" tired--this was "wow, my shoulder got so tired that I just had to take a break while blowdrying my hair" tired. Not normal. I had a few close calls with slipping and falling down the stairs because my legs were a little unsteady (our new house is 2-story), which is scary when carrying an infant. I now go granny-slow up and down them while white-knuckling the handrail whether I'm carrying anything or not. My back muscles tire and ache (I'm guessing just from the stress of supporting my frame) when I stand or walk anywhere after about 5 minutes. Again, not normal.

--cold intolerance. This one is funny for several reasons. It's funny (and normally could possibly be explained away) because it also coinciced with fall/winter and a move from Florida to Ohio. It's also funny because up until November I was ALWAYS HOT. ALWAYS. I was thrilled to move to a cold climate because I thought maybe then there would be a few months out of the year where I wouldn't sweat like a horse. All of a sudden it was like a switch flipped and I was ALWAYS COLD. ALWAYS. It's one thing to be cold because it's really cold outside. It's another for Emma Wuertz to be sitting here typing this in a house where the digital thermostat reads 70 degrees--and I'm wearing a long-sleeved shirt, a fleece pullover, the fleece lining out of my new winter coat that I got for Christmas (YAY!), fleece pants, socks, and a have a heavy blanket over my lap. Seriously folks. My flip flops haven't seen the light of day in months. The bonus here is that I've bought myself a whole new sweater wardrobe, which is fun because all my life I've been too hot to wear sweaters! :) The downside is that our gas bill for last month was $161 (because if we lower the thermostat any lower my teeth will chatter) and that I'm constantly scared I'll roast my child to death because I dress her as if she's as cold as me when she's probably comfortable in our 70 degree house in just a long-sleeved onesie without the fleece hoodie. :)

--loss of appetite. This one has been the most shocking. I have never in my life voluntarily skipped meals. My problem has been the opposite--even if I wasn't technically "hungry," I'd eat just because it was lunchtime or I'd finish the fries just because they were sitting there. The genuine lack of hunger coupled with the fixing-and-eating-lunch-would-cut-into-my-precious-naptime attitude of late means I'm down to 1, sometimes 2 small meals a day and zero snacks. The super sucky part of this classic symptom of hypothyroidism is that it almost always comes with a precipitous drop in metabolic rate--meaning even though I'm eating less than I ever have in my life, I'm not losing a single pound. Double awesome. Here's a serious confession to prove my point: I love mint M&Ms. I love them. As they're only around at Christmas and some years are hard to find, I tend to hoard them and stock up when I see them because I'm sure that they'll soon disappear and I'll have to wait til next year to taste their minty goodness again. Last Christmas I'd buy a bag or 2 every time I went to the commissary, you know--just in case they ran out...well they never did. At one point in January I went through my china cabinet where I had them all hidden and counted over 2 dozen bags. I was nusing/pumping/sleeping almost never at that point and I'd eat them to stay awake at all hours of the day or night (several of you can attest to seeing/smelling me eating them to stay awake in church :)) and I would literally go through a bag a day. Gross, I know. This is me being transparent. :) Well I've been trying to "do better" so I haven't amassed quite that many (I'd count, but that would mean I'd have to get out of this chair and leave my little warm bubble, so that's not happening :)) or eaten them with such gusto, and I have a bag opened and stashed in my side table, but that particular bag has been open for over a week. A week! I know NORMAL people can actually make candy last that long, but even on my best "dieting" days that was basically an impossibility with me. Bottom line: eating W-A-Y less (and better for me food!) than ever before in my life while managing to slowly regain almost all of the 28 lbs I put on while pregnant--and then lost the first week and a half after delivery. Definitely not awesome.

This brings us to today. Today I had another thyroid panel run and it seems my levels have finally evened out so tomorrow I get to pick up my drugs!!! I am SO EXCITED!!! It feels like between The Funk and moving and post-baby junk and blood pressure junk and being pregnant that I haven't felt "normal" in a year and a half...and I LONG to just feel NORMAL! So, while I don't usually get all transparent and open on the internet (as a blog-stalker myself I can attest to the fact that you don't know who reads this stuff! :)), here's my plea for all of you, whoever you are. Would you please pray with me:

--that the Lord would use this medicine to bring back the "normal" so I can be a better mom and wife than I have been in the last 2 months specifically.
--that He'd do it quickly :) as Mark's going TDY for 2 weeks pretty soon and mommying with The Crud is hard enough even when I have him around to help for a few hours every day. Doing it without him for 2 weeks will definitely take the Lord's strength, which I know He'll give--partially in the form of a visit from my sweet mama to help out. :)
--that if/when He brings me out of The Crud, He'll help me remember when necessary what it feels like to be totally dependent on Him to get through the day and that I will be thankful for this time and that it taught me that truth. This has been a hard lesson to learn, specifically for a girl who NEVER asks for help from ANYONE, :) but He knew that I needed to be physically shut down in order to remember what true reliance on Him looks like and I praise Him for using this time in my life in that way.

Sorry, ya'll. :) I know it's disappointing that this post contained neither humorous fluff nor cute baby pictures. :) I'll do better next time. :)

2008 In Review

Sarah Beth went from this:
(early Jan 2008 - 4-ish lbs)

to this:

(mid Dec 2008 - 20-ish lbs!)

and from this:

(early Jan 2008 - finishing a 1-1.5 oz bottle was a triumph!)

to this:

(she eats pretty much anything, but her favorites seem to be peas and ham--she gobbles them up like I'm going to take them from her any minute!)

and from this:

(sleeping ALL THE TIME)

to this:

(She still sleeps well, but when she's awake she's standing on her own and almost walking and therefore NEVER sitting still :))

WHEW! :)

We can't wait to see what 2009 will bring! We are so richly blessed!